Everyone handles pain differently. I've learned a lot about that over the last year. When I was in my first year of high school, I used to find my escape through self harm, mentally and physically. As I got older I experienced betrayal, rumors, lies, fake friends.. Sometimes it's hard to believe the harsh words coming from someone's mouth. I would find ways to drown the sounds with bad habits and staying completely to myself. Writing alone for hours helped me through it all honestly. But there would be nights where I wouldn't want to keep struggling, and the thought of ending everything didn't sound like a bad idea. I felt confused, here I am trying to maintain Noplace4hate and my own thoughts were so dangerous. Telling others to believe in themselves yet I was unable to find a way to understand it. Hundreds of emails and letters I ignored, I'm sorry. I couldn't run away from anything and I finally had enough.
But I'm happy to write to you in a better place now. I am thankful for life, and what is to come. Just know that when things get really bad, eventually it will turn around for you. Most of us will go through hard times where we don't feel strong enough to fight. As if the entire world is against you. Keep in mind that it is temporary, the pain and the hurt will not last forever. Tragedy is not the plot of your story. Art is beautiful and melancholy, just like life. It may be hard to understand what I'm trying to express with these words, especially if you're currently going through a battle, but please don't give up. I'm telling you the road doesn't end now. It's a short life and we only can make the most of it, we don't know what happens next. So please don't cut it short by ending your life before you can blossom.
I look back on everything now as I just turned 18. Those years went by so quick even though it felt like forever during it all. I do not regret it, as I learned so much. I've gained strength and am now stronger than I was when it all started. Trusting everyone doesn't come easy, but to me that's a good thing. Words don't cut me as deeply and I can stand my own ground confidently.
My look on life is so different, and there are some really amazing souls out there.
Just know you aren't alone. If you don't have anyone nearby you can confide to, let that be me. You can contact me through email and I will personally be there for you.
One more thing. The scars may remain on your heart for years. Maybe the people who kept you down you aren't willing to forgive. It's all okay, just give it time. You can't help the way you feel and shouldn't feel sorry about it. If something bothers you, don't feel guilty. Everyone is different and time can heal a lot of wounds.
*Teen suicide help: 800-SUICIDE
*The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
*The National Hopeline Network: 1-800-784-2433
*Stop Cutting-ULifeLine: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)