are you doing ok?


So, how's life been lately? Are you doing ok my friend? Sometimes that's all we need to hear from someone. But why is no one asking? Why does it feel so lonely lately? Even when it's a crowded room, there's so many conversations. It still feels empty, it's been low for a while now. This rollercoaster should be going up again soon, right? Even when we look like we're fine, why is no one asking?

It's a strange feeling, and now you feel selfish for feeling so bad for yourself. It's like no one will listen to you anymore. But this is not a forever feeling, ok? It's such a bad time right now, I know you don't want to be here. I'm also not here to cheer you up.

I'm promising you. If you're reading this and can relate to the above, this is just something we'll go through together right now.

We don't choose our story or life; we don't choose happiness or sadness. It comes with being alive, and maybe you feel like you have the worst luck or life right now. But don't forget our promise, I know exactly how you're feeling.

As I write this, I'm going through a low right now actually. It's not the worst, definitely not the best. I said things I regret; I do things I don't really like. I say "I'm just coping" but when is coping an excuse for all my actions?

I'm going through it, even though I already did I thought. I should be on my high right now!

Maybe you're feeling this too. 

To be honest, I'm not going to sugar coat a thing. This life we have is hard. We didn't sign up for all this pressure, so just don't sign up. I feel the hack to life is to chill and treat mostly everyone as your friend. 


I hate myself sometimes, I think I do things because I'm so hurt, but I do miss the old me. I miss the way I treated myself. I was so smart with my ways. I'd fix things and bring peace.

Then reality hits me, I'm no longer that person.



Let me explain; I will never be perfect. 

Whatever they told you about homeschoolers, especially Christian ones, it's probably the opposite. The following doesn't apply to every religious homeschooler, but in case you're asking, this is my family & I's experience. At least from my POV. 

I was the first born, and my mom made the decision we needed a God-believing family. My mother was Lutheran, my father Catholic. In my eyes they will forever have the best-most dramatic-love story to exist. Anyways, to get to the point, I love my parents. But it was not easy for us, since he was catholic, he was pushed away. The people in the church would pray for us, for our dad to be a believer. But I was so young and confused why they prayed for him, when my dad believed in God. Then I realized, their dads came on Fridays and Saturdays, but our dad was working. If he could, he would have the sabbath off. But there wasn't really a choice. 




IN EDITING** went to bed  





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